Boyfriend Diary

Because after dating a plethora of doofuses, I met a man that isn't.

Keepin’ It Classy

with 2 comments

When your boyfriend takes you out to a fancy, overly shmancy, the-waiter-is-going-to–put-the-napkin-on-you-and-keep-removing-various-pieces-of-silverware-to-replace-it-with-new-silverware-restaurant, where-a –piece-of-fatty-duck-is-smaller-than-the-palm-of-your-hand-and-costs-more-than-your-jeans, you have to keep it classy. Learning to keep it classy can be tricky, so instead of doing the following next time your partner goes all out to wine and dine you, don’t do what we did.

1. Whisper to your boyfriend, in a half drunk, half attempt to be seductive to take you back to the cama de amor, while on unbeknownst to you, the waiter is standing right behind you the whole time waiting to take your plate away but not wanting to intervene, and watching the horror unfold before his eyes.

2. Tell your boyfriend that said duck made you gassy and consequently provoke your boyfriend to suggest that you just go and fart in the bathroom…again with said waiter behind him this time.

3. Have your boyfriend give you a Heimlich maneuver outside of the restaurant with fellow pedestrians in sight so that you may be relieved of your gas.

4. Be relieved of a hideous gas in front of pedestrians. (Hey, it happens.)

5. Start laughing so hard due to the aforementioned occurrences that you’re not sure if you peed yourself and when you go to get dessert and a movie, you force your boyfriend to walk behind you in case there is pee stain on your jeans.

That’s all.


Boyfriend Diary Copyright © 2011 All Rights Reserved.


Written by boyfrienddiary

March 5, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. Heheeh! I have also peed on myself and blogged about it. I was totally sober.


    March 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    • Yes! Good to know that I’m not the only one that needs Depends five decades too soon. 😉


      March 6, 2011 at 6:01 pm

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